Only I Can Be Me's Blog

When you turn it over to God.

If someone told me I’d be getting married in a few months I would never have believed them…
A while back I wrote a post about getting married…well more accurately I wrote about REQUIRING my fiance to marry me!
Well many things have happened since then, here’s the short version.
I DID tell him either he marry me or we’re done. I was tired of playing house but not being married. Well we set a date (kinda). Every once in a while I would ask him about specifics of the wedding. Sometimes he would answer but I could tell he was annoyed and sometimes he would just say “Stop aggervating me about it!”. As the date approached I started not quite feeling right about getting married. He said he wanted to marry me but when it came down to planning, telling people or really anything related to the wedding he wanted to avoid it. I think deep down inside I knew that he didn’t want to get married and that if I had to “make” him marry me there was something wrong.
Our wedding date passed with neither one of us saying anything about it. We both knew it just wasn’t the time to take that plunge.
Then one afternoon in August our Pastor’s sermon was surreal. If I had been writing my thoughts down for the last 2 weeks it was like he had read that diary. That sermon really hit home. So much that my fiance got angry at our Pastor. It was focused on people “playing house” but not being married. That day I gave our relationship over to God. I told God that if I had to give my fiance up to receive my blessings then that is what I would do…and I MEANT it. NEVER did I think I could do that.
Within a week my fiance started talking about marriage again. It was a little weird. I could tell he really wanted to get married but there was still something holding him back. BUT he told me to set up premarital counseling with our Pastor. I was so excited that he took the initiative about the counseling.
We were schedule for the next week and would come once a week.
Our first session went well.
The day before the next session I found out things that I really didn’t want to know about our relationship. My heart and I were mentally broken. I called our Pastor and told him that I would not, could not, marry this man. I was done, I was through. Pastor said that God would not allow us to enter into a marriage without knowing the full truth of our relationship and things that have been hidden. He said it was up to me what I decided to do with that information.
I spent a good part of that day walking down our long country road…praying and crying out to God. “Please tell me what to do.” Now please understand that I am by no means the most devote Christian or the poster child for religion. But I’m no idiot I’ve seen what God has done in my life. Bringing me from being homeless and broken to owning my own business and home.
As I walked I continued to pray. I asked Him for guidance. I didn’t want to be with a man that at this point seemed like a stranger to me. I didn’t want to lock myself into a marriage that would surely make me miserable.
Over the rest of that day and the following day my fiance told me he wanted to change. BUT not only did he say it, he actually DID it. He followed through with what he said. He made dramatic changes and he opened up and told me things that I would have NEVER known otherwise.
We decided to go to our second premarital counseling session. That was actually amazing. I FORGAVE HIM THAT DAY IN COUNSELING and now 2 weeks later I am almost past it.
In our third session he started asking the Pastor about songs to walk down the aisle to and could we have a unity candle (and what exactly was all that about). He was so interested in learning the meanings behind certain things for us to do in the ceremony. Then the Pastor had us go into our church and stand in the front of the church. He did a quick run through of how the ceremony would go. My heart was at the bottom of my stomach, later my fiance told me he had butterflies. But the whole time up there he had the biggest smile on his face. Standing up there reality hit…we were going to get married! For me it solidified that I was making the right decision in marrying him. It did the same for him.
You know, as they say God works in mysterious ways. I never would have thought I would be thanking God for learning the things I did about our relationship. But I did and I continue to thank God. I have never felt so close to my soon to be husband.
We make more wedding plans on a daily basis.
This time around it is so much fun planning…because we are doing it TOGETHER. We just got our invitations today but I’m not sure if there is anyone who doesn’t know yet 🙂 Everyone we run into or he talks on the phone with that is the first thing he tells them…I’m getting married November 10th!
Before I end this post I have to say this- I’ve been married before. It wasn’t much of a marriage much less a wedding (at the courthouse). We were young and he was never faithful and he was abusive in every sense of the word. I’ve heard “I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again” and “I promise I’m done this time” from my ex husband as well as my current fiance. And I believed them both. It’s love, that’s what we do. BUUUUUTTTTT the difference now is saying it and meaning it are two totally different things. I have to use the old saying my ex husband’s mom used to tell me “Actions speak louder than words”. And those are words to live by. If there are any ladies reading this that are going through rough times in thier relationship please remember this advice if you remember nothing else I ever type:
If he abuses you either with words or hands, he does NOT love you. He cannot stop and will not stop (at least not without God and counseling).
And saying he’s sorry and won’t do it again doesn’t make it so. Many times we stay hoping he is telling the truth only to learn later it happened again. Let his actions speak to you!!! If he is done then he will make MAJOR changes immediately. He will make it his life mission to make you happy and to prove that he has changed.

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This entry was published on September 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm. It’s filed under Faith/Religion, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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